So mad!

I am SO mad! My dad called me today to let me know that he did my taxes and said I owed the IRS $873!! I was expecting to get around that much back! I'm so upset, and so mad. I made a small deal with my parents that I would pay for all the paper things, and I was relying on my tax returns to be able to get all of our invitation stuff printed and everything! Now, I don't know what I'm going to do! I'm so mad...

Hmm... A little thinking, a lot of thoughts!

I've had so many things running through my mind lately, I just haven't had the time to situate them out! So, I'm taking the opportunity, now, with no dogs, fiance's, tv's, radio's, and what not's to try to get these thoughts down!

1.) I'm worried that our registry has too many things on them/it. We've only finished registering at one store, but there are a million things on there! Also, since I am such a huge fan of cooking/baking, there's a ton of kitchen electronics on our registries that are on the expensive side. I'm scared that we'll end up with all the small stuff, and have to buy the big stuff ourselves. Which, if that ends up being the case, I think it would be a huge struggle with Matt to make sure I'd get at least my Kitchen Aide stand mixer (which is my dream wedding present)! I'm starting to feel like I should take some things off, but I can't find anything that I have been willing to part with! I guess we just need to finish our Target registry, then I can make the decision after wards. We still don't know where we're going to find wall decor/art. You'd think that since we live in our state's capital that the stores around here would be amazing, but they are less than up to par. :o(

2.) I'm pretty sure that my parents haven't put down our cake deposit yet. In fact I'm 99.99% sure. They are such procrastinator's and I'm scared she's going to get booked before I can send the money in! I would just do it myself, but I don't have an extra $200 that I can part with right now. Alas, I'll just have to rely on my parents for that deposit! The sad thing is, the cake maker only lives a block away from where my mom work's, so she could easily drop off the payment during her lunch break or something, but I know she won't.

3.) I feel like I'm falling behind on wedding stuff. I've just realized in the past few days that I need to get all the invitation stuff prepared this month in order to have it ready for send off the first week of April! AH! Luckily, Matt said he'd help me, and I plan on asking my maid of honor to come up from Chicago to help out, but I'm still freaking out just a little. Those direction cards are going to be the bain to my existence!

4.) I thought that I had made my veil, but I've decided that I want something more intricate. I just made a simple cathedral length veil, but discovered that the color was off. So sad, my poor little fingers hurt from doing so much sewing! Well, while I was researching fabrics/veils/beading and so forth, I remembered how I had tried on this gorgeous veil with my dress when I went to go pick it up. The veil was amazing, the price tag wasn't. I knew my dad would not be thrilled about paying $300 on a veil when he had just coughed over over $3,000 for my dress! Matt's grandma said that she was more than happy to help make my veil, but this pattern is so hard! I've tried to find paper patterns for it, but have come up with nothing! I don't know how I'm going to make it work! I would LOVE a cathedral or chapel length veil with a cascade cut, and maybe some turquoise jewels or satin rat tail around the edge. We'll see if she'll be able to work it out! It's pretty much like the picture below, but the end would be rounded/curved rather than coming to a point.
5.) Our honeymoon is starting to stress us both out. We had thought we found the perfect place. An all inclusive in Cancun that was at an extremely reasonable price. But with the ongoing drug wars going on in Mexico, we've decided that it would be better to stay away. We've started researching the Dominican Republic as well as Bermuda, but neither of them have seemed too attractive so far. I guess more or less just a lot of crime. I wouldn't mind just going to Hawaii! I just want to swim with the dolphins and go snorkeling.

6.) Lastly, I am so torn about b-pics (better known as boudoir pictures). They're usually done either in cute lingerie or something that you'd think your man would find sexy. It's tasteful, beautiful pictures of art. However, my body is not at it's best. In fact, it's the worst that it's ever been! I'm so ashamed to show any part of myself in public right now! I've heard that so many girls feel the same way, but (as long as your photog is good) their photographer makes them feel at ease and a lot of the times they end up leaving feeling sexy and impowered. I know that Matt would love them, but I don't know if I'd look back on them and think... ugh, what was I thinking?! Maybe I'll just put it off until next year and give it to him for our one year anniversary.

Update on envelopes

I made a quick trip to my post office today. When I first got there, the line was LONG. I thought, "crap, I'm going to have to wait for a half a hour just to make sure I can use this envelope... nice...". Well, lucky for me, there was a woman who was walking up the line asking if there were just little things that she could help out with. I asked her about my envelopes and she said that I could use them. She measured the envelope, and told me that I would have to just pay .62 cents rather than .42 cents. It ends up being about $17 more in the long run, but it's worth it so I won't have to start all over again!!! Yay!

Bridesmaids Dresses and a possible Wedding Planner

We have FINALLY decided on a designer for the bridesmaids dresses! I'm so excited to have it in the bag, and every one agreed upon! Now, I just need to make a trip to Chicago with all of them to find some dresses! I don't necessarily need to be there for them to pick them out, but I'd love to be included. We're going to be using Melissa Sweet, which is great because she is also the designer of my wedding dress. I'm so happy!!

I, also, had a meeting with two potential wedding planners last week. I had contacted a girl from the knot, and we had been conversing back and forth as far as a day of coordinator (a person who is in charge of taking care of things i.e. set up/tear down of reception hall, making sure vendors appear and on time, so on and so forth). While talking to them, I thought that I could utilize them for more than just my DOC. We started talking about decorations, and vendor negotiating. They are two girls who attend MSU, but they really seem to know what they're talking about! Especially one of them. She asked me a million questions, and I felt confident that they would help me pull of an amazing wedding. I, also, like the fact that they're young and will know what I'm looking for, rather than dated things that I'm sure many wedding planners try to wrap into the day. I e-mailed them today, and will hopefully be hearing from the shortly as far as price. I'm really happy with my decision to go with at least a DOC. Hopefully, a DOC plus!!

As far as my florist, I have yet to hear from him! I'm going to call him tomorrow on my lunch break to try to find out if he sent out my price quote yet. I realize that he is busy, as he runs his shop pretty much by himself, but I am worried since he told me it should be getting here last tuesday, and here it is a week later, and I still have nothing. I really like his designs and views. He's just so talented! Hopefully, I'll hear from him soon!!!

Break

It has been a crazy couple of days. All of a sudden, Matt has decided that he wants to have a mass wedding. I think it's partially because of his grandma. She suggested that we use their priest, who is also a family friend, and Matt liked the idea. When he told her that we weren't having a mass wedding, she flipped a little. She told him that she didn't know if he would preside over a non-mass wedding, so on and so forth. Well, he agreed to do it, and I haven't even ok'ed it with the priest at the church! It's a little frustrating.

I told Matt that the main reason why I don't want a mass wedding is because my dad isn't Catholic and it's unfair for him to be singled out during the ceremony. It's supposed to be about us, and the mass thing is so not me. Some fighting and arguing occured afterwards. We came to the compromise that we would see if we could individually receive communion and that way we can do what Matt wants to do, and at the same time, we won't need to have my dad singled out.
I'm still not too happy about it, though. I just don't understand why all of a sudden he wants to do a mass! I think it's mainly his family that wants it, not him. Which, if that is the case, pisses me off...

I have been on a wedding break. I started a new job, and have been constantly there. Today has been my first real day off, with nothing to do, and nowhere to go. I think I'm going to take a little break from wedding planning for a few weeks. Although, today, I did get some things accomplished.
1. I canceled my original hotel block
2. I called the church (and the priest is going to call me back)
3. I called the transportation company (but, of course like always, have yet to receive an answer)
4. Contacted my possible DOC!
I'm waiting to receive a quote from my potential florist and I'm really excited, but really nervous! I'm scared it could end up being out of my price range!!!

I think I'm going to be taking a little wedding break. Or at least not doing nearly as much as I was!

Yahoo!

I have no wedding related things to blog about, today, but I'm happy and excited to report that I am now employed! I had a job interview with a vet's office last thursday, and I thought it went well. I decided not to get my hopes up because, lately, whenever I have I didn't end up getting the job. Today, I got a phone call asking if I was still interested in the position! Hell yes, of course I didn't say that, but that's what I was thinking. When I got off the phone, I jumped up and down and told my family. We were all excited that after 2.5 months of being un-employed, I finally had a job. GO ME!!

Cutting Woes

We have already decided about what we will be giving out as favors. Now, my only problem is finding a way to cut the paper for those favors. We will be giving 2 in. terracotta pots, and attaching seed infused paper to them. While I was looking at different paper, yesterday, I came across a picture where the person glued the paper to a stick, and stuck it in the pot with some grass, and used it as an escort card. I LOVED it. We were still trying to figure out how to pull it all together as far as the paper and escort cards. So, I went on the search for seed paper that was cut like a flower. I came across a few sites with them, but it was ridiculously expensive for only 12! I've already found seed paper at $10 for a pack of 25 (normal 8x10) sheets. Now, I just want to find something to cut the paper into a flower cut out. I really don't feel like cutting 160 of them by hand. But, I also don't want to spend the money on those scrapbook cutting machines. Ugh... why does everything I find have to be so hard to do? Ah, the things you do for your dream wedding!

Guestbook and Angela and Andrew's wedding

I got out of the shower yesterday, and found a box on the bar. I realized that it was from mypublisher.com, and immediately ripped the box open. Inside, was our photo guest book! I thumbed through it, then thumbed through it again. I L-O-V-E it!! I can't wait to use it. Some of the pictures were kind of blurry, but not bad at all. Plus, I was happy that I found a coupon online and got $20 off my book. In the end, I paid about $15 including shipping. Now, I just have to find some archival pens!

Of course, I HAD to get a page with Harper!

Yesterday, we went to Angela and Andrew's wedding. It was beautiful, and elegant. Angela wore an amazing dropped waist, strapless gown with gorgeous beading. Their reception was in a beautiful building. The food was delicious, as she has a hard-core traditional Italian family. Just the eating took about 2 hours!! After, was all the dancing. There were a few mishaps as far as music, but everything seemed to work out in the end. They're going to Italy for their honeymoon, and I'm so jealous!!! They are such a great couple, and I'm so happy for them!

Long awaited update!

I have not been doing so well in keeping up with this blog. It has been some crazy couple of months so far. Matt and I moved from Mt. Pleasant to Lansing, and to be honest, I am not too enthused about it. I still haven't found any work, and we still really don't have any friends. I've been trying to find a way to work for my parents, but my mother has been insane lately and we're not really talking as of now. I have a lot to update on with all the wedding stuff, so I'll start from the end to now.

I went through a rut. A tiny rut, but a rut. I didn't do much wedding planning at all for a while. I did, however, sign the contract with the Baymont Inn for 25 rooms. The hotel coordinator, however, was not the nicest person in the world and I've been thinking about changing to a new person. We, also, signed a contract with a company called the Magic Bus to use a 1960's London double decker bus. It's not the most elegant thing in the world, but it's definitely different! My dad and I also went wedding dress shopping, and purchased the dress! I'm so excited, and am now starting to feel like a real bride. I have been talking with someone at the Comfort Inn to see if I can get a contract with them instead of the Baymont. The coordinator t the C.I. just seems so much nicer and accomidating than the Baymont. And since I have so much time, I'm really trying to do some DIY projects. I also think I've found a BM dress that will work out great for all my girls!

Now, another major story. This involving my mother, and why we are currently not speaking to each other. I went home about 3 weeks ago to drop off Harper for the weekend since Matt and I were going to be at a wedding for 3 days. While I was there, I asked her why she thought we were never close. I tried to open up to her a little, and actually thought I got through to her. I told her about how I understood that she didn't have time for me, but at this point in my life I really would like for her to be there for me.This is such an amazing time in my life, and of course every daughter wants to share it with their mother. Well, the conversation ended with her telling me that she would go dress shopping with me wherever I wanted to go. Later on in the week, I found a dress that I really wanted to try on, and the only place that had the dress was in Ann Arbor. I called my mom to see when she would be free, and she goes on and on about how she didn't want to go to AA because it was just too far away. She then went on saying that she didn't understand why we couldn't just go to Lansing. The fight escalated and I ended up hanging up with her. Shortly after, I wrote my dad to see if he would go with me instead. Obviously, that's what happened and we ended up buying a great dress. Once we got back home, she asked my dad how much it was. When he told her, she looked at me and said, "Well, what's going to happen if you and Matt break up?". I was FURIOUS. I just sat there for a while, but then ended up going to my room and crying. That really hurt my feelings, and after such a great day, why would she try to ruin it? She tried to act like the good mother and knocked on my door to ask me what was wrong. Once I finally opened it, I started telling her about how rude I thought it was for her to say that to me on such an important day to me. Why should she make me feel like shit when I was so elated over something I had been looking forward to for so long. Again, this argument escalated. In the end, I ended up telling her she was a horrible mom, and that I could never understand why I try so hard for our relationship when she just doesn't care. Since then, we haven't spoken. I guess we'll see how it'll go...

Visions of Photobooths dance in my head

Like I said in the previous post, I don't know if it's the weather or the mark of 1 yr. coming, but I am in major wedding mode! I have been doing so much, and researching a lot about different possibilites for the church and the reception! One of my latest thoughts has been renting a photobooth for our reception. I just think it would be a lot of fun, and it's unique! I can't say I have ever been to a wedding with a photobooth. I have started doing research, but because my wedding is pretty much in the ghetto, there is no place for me to rent from! I've looked at "national listings", but they are just ridiculously expensive. A few thousand dollars! Ah. Why is it that whenever I find something I really like that it doesn't work out??? Sometimes I just want to hire a wedding planner to do all of this for me!

Fights may equal no engagement!

Matt and I got into a fight yesterday. It was ridiculous how the whole thing even came to be. We were on our way to look at new apartments, when I started talking about honeymoons.

I have always thought of honeymoons being a "once in a lifetime" chance to go somewhere (my parents went to Detroit for theirs, and I just don't want that). He kept telling me that I needed to get it through my head that we can't afford a major honeymoon. Well, on and on our fight went about our honeymoon until one thing lead to another, and it ended with us deciding not to get married. Matt immediatley turned around and went back home. It was officially awkward when we didn't talk the entire rest of the day, we live together so no running away. At the end of the night, we went our seperate ways with friends.

After many, many drinks, and a few bouts of throwing up. I stumbled my drunk ass home to find him there already, also completely drunk. I was so sick of all of it so I just broke down and started crying. He kept walking past me, calling our dog, trying his best not to say anything to me. He didn't even care that I was bawling my eyes out. I finally stood up, got in his face, and started yelling at him about how he was being a jerk and I couldn't believe that he didn't even care that I was crying! We finally started talking, and worked through our problems. It ended with him getting back down on one knee, and giving me my ring back! I'm happy that things turned out for the better, but being engaged makes fights just soooo much more bigger than needed. I did get some beautiful flowers out of it, and my favorite restaurants soup the next day!

Strangers with Candy

After my last post, I wrote on theknot.com venting my frustrations, and I was shocked to receive so many replies! I was so happy to hear that there were other people going through what I was going through. They were so supportive and I couldn't believe how many of them sent me their e-mail addresses and stuff to tell me that they would talk to me whenever I needed any advice! I feel pretty touched about the situation. I now know that I have a place to go to if I truly am feeling down!! It's weird too because I never really liked going onto the knot because they don't have a specific post for my city and the majority of the time I think that it doesn't even help me out. I always went on there for a "just in case" kind of thing. I'm happy that I was able to talk to people that knew what I was going through.

Can I get some help??

So, I am feeling like I am just ready to be done with the whole wedding thing. I am the first of all my friends to be getting married, and also the first in both families. I feel so lost in this whole process because I don't know what I'm supposed to do or when I'm supposed to do them. I have already eliminated many things from our wedding because I just don't want to deal with them, it's just one less thing that I don't have to plan for. I just wish I could get a little help here.
All my bridesmaids live out of state, and my family is not really into weddings and parties and all that jazz. We are getting married in my hometown, which is about an hour and a half away, and whenever I ask my family to help me out, they won't. So, then I end up making a special trip for one thing. Matt, also, just received a new job and is way too committed to that to listen to me talk about the wedding let alone help me plan it.

I'm just ready for the day to come and be over with so I will no longer have to deal with this planning. I am so stressed, and whenever I sit down to really do something I end up just putting it off because I get so frustrated with myself. I feel really alone in this situation right now. I always thought that when I planned my wedding, I would be surrounded by my friends and mother to help me through it all, instead I have no one but myself. I know I sound like a cry-ass, and am possibly making way more out of this than what it really is, but I just want to be married. I'm tired of dealing with all the little shit. We should just elope...

First Wedding Post!

I've been thinking on and off about writing my wedding day ups, downs, and all the in betweens. I am going to try my best to keep this blog up because I would love to look back on this in a few years and read what was going through my mind at the time. I think I would get a good laugh...

To start off, I am the first of all my friends, and my one sibling to get married. I am also completely lost in the entire mess of planning this wedding. I have been thinking sporatically about things that I need to get finished, and I do things kind of as they come to my head. My fiance is in his own world of new jobs, moving, and our future (typical guy). He is of no help in this. I am trying my best to keep my head on straight, and I will update this as problems, situations, and hopefully a lot of good come through this next year and a half! Hope to be back soon!