Long awaited update!

I have not been doing so well in keeping up with this blog. It has been some crazy couple of months so far. Matt and I moved from Mt. Pleasant to Lansing, and to be honest, I am not too enthused about it. I still haven't found any work, and we still really don't have any friends. I've been trying to find a way to work for my parents, but my mother has been insane lately and we're not really talking as of now. I have a lot to update on with all the wedding stuff, so I'll start from the end to now.

I went through a rut. A tiny rut, but a rut. I didn't do much wedding planning at all for a while. I did, however, sign the contract with the Baymont Inn for 25 rooms. The hotel coordinator, however, was not the nicest person in the world and I've been thinking about changing to a new person. We, also, signed a contract with a company called the Magic Bus to use a 1960's London double decker bus. It's not the most elegant thing in the world, but it's definitely different! My dad and I also went wedding dress shopping, and purchased the dress! I'm so excited, and am now starting to feel like a real bride. I have been talking with someone at the Comfort Inn to see if I can get a contract with them instead of the Baymont. The coordinator t the C.I. just seems so much nicer and accomidating than the Baymont. And since I have so much time, I'm really trying to do some DIY projects. I also think I've found a BM dress that will work out great for all my girls!

Now, another major story. This involving my mother, and why we are currently not speaking to each other. I went home about 3 weeks ago to drop off Harper for the weekend since Matt and I were going to be at a wedding for 3 days. While I was there, I asked her why she thought we were never close. I tried to open up to her a little, and actually thought I got through to her. I told her about how I understood that she didn't have time for me, but at this point in my life I really would like for her to be there for me.This is such an amazing time in my life, and of course every daughter wants to share it with their mother. Well, the conversation ended with her telling me that she would go dress shopping with me wherever I wanted to go. Later on in the week, I found a dress that I really wanted to try on, and the only place that had the dress was in Ann Arbor. I called my mom to see when she would be free, and she goes on and on about how she didn't want to go to AA because it was just too far away. She then went on saying that she didn't understand why we couldn't just go to Lansing. The fight escalated and I ended up hanging up with her. Shortly after, I wrote my dad to see if he would go with me instead. Obviously, that's what happened and we ended up buying a great dress. Once we got back home, she asked my dad how much it was. When he told her, she looked at me and said, "Well, what's going to happen if you and Matt break up?". I was FURIOUS. I just sat there for a while, but then ended up going to my room and crying. That really hurt my feelings, and after such a great day, why would she try to ruin it? She tried to act like the good mother and knocked on my door to ask me what was wrong. Once I finally opened it, I started telling her about how rude I thought it was for her to say that to me on such an important day to me. Why should she make me feel like shit when I was so elated over something I had been looking forward to for so long. Again, this argument escalated. In the end, I ended up telling her she was a horrible mom, and that I could never understand why I try so hard for our relationship when she just doesn't care. Since then, we haven't spoken. I guess we'll see how it'll go...

Visions of Photobooths dance in my head

Like I said in the previous post, I don't know if it's the weather or the mark of 1 yr. coming, but I am in major wedding mode! I have been doing so much, and researching a lot about different possibilites for the church and the reception! One of my latest thoughts has been renting a photobooth for our reception. I just think it would be a lot of fun, and it's unique! I can't say I have ever been to a wedding with a photobooth. I have started doing research, but because my wedding is pretty much in the ghetto, there is no place for me to rent from! I've looked at "national listings", but they are just ridiculously expensive. A few thousand dollars! Ah. Why is it that whenever I find something I really like that it doesn't work out??? Sometimes I just want to hire a wedding planner to do all of this for me!

First few things are DONE!

Yay! I don't know if it's the weather, or if it's the anticipation of our one year mark that has gotten me so motivated, but I have started getting some things done! I have made my 2 first DIY projects, and ordered our champagne flutes!

My champagne flutes are June Lane by Kate Spade. My next project is doing our aisle runner! I'm so happy that I'm so motivated!!





















Aisle runner like this (taken from blog www.roadtotheaisle.blogspot.com)

Fights may equal no engagement!

Matt and I got into a fight yesterday. It was ridiculous how the whole thing even came to be. We were on our way to look at new apartments, when I started talking about honeymoons.

I have always thought of honeymoons being a "once in a lifetime" chance to go somewhere (my parents went to Detroit for theirs, and I just don't want that). He kept telling me that I needed to get it through my head that we can't afford a major honeymoon. Well, on and on our fight went about our honeymoon until one thing lead to another, and it ended with us deciding not to get married. Matt immediatley turned around and went back home. It was officially awkward when we didn't talk the entire rest of the day, we live together so no running away. At the end of the night, we went our seperate ways with friends.

After many, many drinks, and a few bouts of throwing up. I stumbled my drunk ass home to find him there already, also completely drunk. I was so sick of all of it so I just broke down and started crying. He kept walking past me, calling our dog, trying his best not to say anything to me. He didn't even care that I was bawling my eyes out. I finally stood up, got in his face, and started yelling at him about how he was being a jerk and I couldn't believe that he didn't even care that I was crying! We finally started talking, and worked through our problems. It ended with him getting back down on one knee, and giving me my ring back! I'm happy that things turned out for the better, but being engaged makes fights just soooo much more bigger than needed. I did get some beautiful flowers out of it, and my favorite restaurants soup the next day!

Strangers with Candy

After my last post, I wrote on theknot.com venting my frustrations, and I was shocked to receive so many replies! I was so happy to hear that there were other people going through what I was going through. They were so supportive and I couldn't believe how many of them sent me their e-mail addresses and stuff to tell me that they would talk to me whenever I needed any advice! I feel pretty touched about the situation. I now know that I have a place to go to if I truly am feeling down!! It's weird too because I never really liked going onto the knot because they don't have a specific post for my city and the majority of the time I think that it doesn't even help me out. I always went on there for a "just in case" kind of thing. I'm happy that I was able to talk to people that knew what I was going through.

Can I get some help??

So, I am feeling like I am just ready to be done with the whole wedding thing. I am the first of all my friends to be getting married, and also the first in both families. I feel so lost in this whole process because I don't know what I'm supposed to do or when I'm supposed to do them. I have already eliminated many things from our wedding because I just don't want to deal with them, it's just one less thing that I don't have to plan for. I just wish I could get a little help here.
All my bridesmaids live out of state, and my family is not really into weddings and parties and all that jazz. We are getting married in my hometown, which is about an hour and a half away, and whenever I ask my family to help me out, they won't. So, then I end up making a special trip for one thing. Matt, also, just received a new job and is way too committed to that to listen to me talk about the wedding let alone help me plan it.

I'm just ready for the day to come and be over with so I will no longer have to deal with this planning. I am so stressed, and whenever I sit down to really do something I end up just putting it off because I get so frustrated with myself. I feel really alone in this situation right now. I always thought that when I planned my wedding, I would be surrounded by my friends and mother to help me through it all, instead I have no one but myself. I know I sound like a cry-ass, and am possibly making way more out of this than what it really is, but I just want to be married. I'm tired of dealing with all the little shit. We should just elope...

First Wedding Post!

I've been thinking on and off about writing my wedding day ups, downs, and all the in betweens. I am going to try my best to keep this blog up because I would love to look back on this in a few years and read what was going through my mind at the time. I think I would get a good laugh...

To start off, I am the first of all my friends, and my one sibling to get married. I am also completely lost in the entire mess of planning this wedding. I have been thinking sporatically about things that I need to get finished, and I do things kind of as they come to my head. My fiance is in his own world of new jobs, moving, and our future (typical guy). He is of no help in this. I am trying my best to keep my head on straight, and I will update this as problems, situations, and hopefully a lot of good come through this next year and a half! Hope to be back soon!